We lived hundreds of miles apart, each of us anxious to stay as close as possible with the other. My dearest friend was in the last stages of a terminal illness. What could I do to help her at this point?
My epiphany was to stay connected through music. I would connect weekly through FaceTime, soon moving from conversation about how she was faring, to music interventions. Initially I played Philip Glass’ Piano Etudes for her; they were unfamiliar to my dear high school buddy, but she listened patiently. Glass’ music involves lots of phrase repetitions; hence it is quite hypnotic. I typically played several of the Etudes at one sitting. My friend would comment that one sounded like it was in a major key, another a minor key. I chose Etudes I particularly loved, one was especially rhythmic, another more plaintive.
After playing the Etudes, I would ask my friend if she wanted to sing some songs with me. Her answer was always affirmative, even when she had earlier told me she was experiencing increasing pain. We would sing several of Jeanie’s choices; she taking the lead, I following. Jeanie always insisted on seeing my face as we connected online.
After several of these sessions, we talked about her reaction to our connecting through music. Jeanie told me that she always felt calmer after these calls, and had an easier time falling asleep. Hence, I tried to time my calls to evenings after dinner.
One night, Jeanie talked about how much she loved to sing, but found it difficult to engage other friends in that activity. I asked if I could include my Boston daughter who played guitar and sang in some sessions. What transpired was a three person Zoom session, with my daughter singing and playing guitar, me singing from Durham, North Carolina, and Jeanie joining from Larchmont, New York. It was a blessing to have an electronic way to connect musically. We engaged in these Zoom sessions several times.
During the final weeks of her life, I traveled to New York in order to spend quality time with my friend of seventy years. After enjoying a small bite together, while holding hands, and talking about whatever was on her mind, we again proceeded to music making together. I had brought some Chopin Preludes with me to New york. I would alternate between playing some of the more lyrical, then some moodier melodies. Jeanie’s electric piano allowed me to change tonalities, from piano to celeste to guitar to harpsichord sounds, adding to Jeanie’s pleasure. Afterwards, we concluded our time together by singing together.
On July 1, 2021, I attended Jeanie’s funeral. At the end of my eulogy, I sang one of her favorite songs from Carousel, ” When you walk through a storm, keep your head up high, and don’t be afraid of the dark…”
Judith Adler 7/12/2021